


I shot for the sky, I'm stuck on the ground

by emilia_kaisa



Series: advent challenge 2019 [20]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Disappointment, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Not Beta Read, Songfic, ar at least my weak attempt, prayer circle for my boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-18 02:41:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21870439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: I shot for the skyI'm stuck on the groundSo why do I try, I know I'm gonna to fall downI thought I could fly, so why did I drown?Never know why it's coming down, down, downaka it's GPF 2019 and Dima needs someone to tell him that everything will be okay
Relationships: Dmitri Aliev & Matteo Rizzo
Series: advent challenge 2019 [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559338
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	I shot for the sky, I'm stuck on the ground

**Author's Note:**

> It's no secret that I love these two and the have an adorable friendship, so of course I had to use it to dwell on the sadness after you-know-what.  
> Song: 'Down' by Jason Walker

_I don't know where I'm at_

_I'm standing at the back_

_And I'm tired of waiting_

_Waiting here in line_

_Hoping that I'll find what I've been chasing_

Dima feels like he can barely move, slowly gliding towards the boards; it's not about physical pain, he's not really registering it yet, but his body is feeling so terribly heavy and numb he's not sure how his legs are functioning, carrying him into his coach's safe embrace.

He doesn't expect anything, sitting in Kiss & Cry, feeling terribly empty, but also strangely calm.

It happened, once more.

If he survived before, he can do it again.

_I shot for the sky_

_I'm stuck on the ground_

_So why do I try, I know I'm gonna to fall down_

_I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?_

_Never know why it's coming down, down, down_

His composure starts crumbling down a few hours later, when he’s sitting in a corner of the hotel restaurant, watching people celebrate and feeling something bitter and forming in his chest and raising in his throat, leaving taste of acid on his tongue. He’s alone, Sasha left some time earlier to lick his own wounds, rest of the team in much better moods.

And it’s okay, because he doesn’t want to drag them down.

He would go back to his room, but his hip and ribs and ankle radiate with pain, and he thinks that maybe he can sit for a little longer, hoping that maybe exhaustion and the rest of beer in his glass will dull the pain enough for him to drag himself upstairs.

"Hey."

He's surprised to see Matteo sit down next to him, a small smile on his face, but relief is quickly winning over everything else.

If he's here, it's going to be okay. Or at least better.

"You didn't tell me you would come."

"What, you thought not getting into the final would stop me from coming?" Matteo asks, his tone light but a corner of his mouth twitching a little in a way that tells Dima that he's still beating himself over not making it.

He doesn't comment that, though, and instead he chooses to ask:

"You saw?"

Matteo doesn't answer, just reaches out to squeeze Dima's shoulder and for the moment they sit in silence, watching the people having fan on the dancing floor, loud and a bit tipsy, and it feels safe in their dark corner.

"You okay?" Matteo asks finally, quiet, and Dima sighs deeply.

"I have a few bruises."

Matteo glances at him, with the smallest of smiles on his lips, and Dima suddenly feels like he could cry, finally, let all his sadness and disappointment leave his body with his tears.

He doesn't cry, but it's a close thing, so he lets himself hide his face against Matteo's shoulder. It's familiar, leaning on each other, something they did so many times after drueling sessions during all these camps and trainings they did together. And there is something comforting in the softness of the fabric and the scent of a cologne they had baught in Saint Petersburg last summer, mostly for laughs, but now it's a nice reminder of how much fun they had back then, joking and hoping for what the new season could bring.

And now they are here, both of them not satisfied with what they achieved so far, with new scars and fresh wounds, and Dima wonders where did those two careless boys go.

"You're falling asleep in here." Matteo murmurs, gently patting Dima's back "Come on, I will help you out."

Dima wants to oppose, day that he doesn't need help, but the moment he stands up he knows he could use some help. It's embarrassing, but Matteo doesn't say a word, just holds Dima in a way that doesn't make him feel entirely helpless; they leave slowly, in silence, and Dima pretends he can't feel all those eyes on him, gazes filled with compassion and pity.

_Not ready to let go_

_'Cause then I'd never know_

_What I could be missing_

_But I'm missing way too much_

_So when do I give up what I've been wishing for?_

"Maybe I just wanted too much."

"Don't say that."

"It's true. And look where I'm now."

They're sitting on Dima's bed, leaning against the headboard and looking at the tv playing some soap opera. Dima can understand barely a few words, but it's not like he's paying attention to that.

“We’re young.” Matteo says quietly “It’s our thing, to dream big.”

“And fall down harsher.”

He’s not sure why he is being like this now; but maybe it’s his friend’s closeness that’s making him feel safe enough to let him speak out about all the things that try to suffocate him. 

“I’m scared too, you know.” Matteo says, even more quiet than before, and Dima blinks in confusion, because Matteo doesn’t tend to speak about that too often “This season is so different from what I was hoping for.”

Dima wants to say something, because he feels like he should, like he owes to Matteo to light up the mood a little, but his mind is blank and tongue stiff; so in the end, he just sighs deeply and rests his head against the headboard, falling asleep to the sound of tv and warm presence next to him.

_I shot for the sky_

_I'm stuck on the ground_

_So why do I try, I know I'm gonna to fall down_

_I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?_

_Never know why it's coming down, down, down_

_Oh I am going down, down, down_

_Can't find another way around_

_And I don't want to hear the sound_

_Of losing what I never found_

**Author's Note:**

> Fic nr 20, 4 more to go! Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
